1. I have insecurities that often cause me to attract insecure men and I don't like insecure men.
2. I'm always suspicious of those I'm in relationships with. I always think people have a hidden agenda or seek to use me in some way which keeps me from being open and honest in my relationships. Unfortunately this causes me to attract people who are not or too cannot trust and choose not to be open and honest.
3. I'm overly critical of myself and others which causes acceptance issues and also causes me to back out of or cut off relationships because either the individual, myself, or the entire relationship does not meet my standards.
4. Because of my upbringing and past hurts, I usually allow fear to keep me from fully expressing what I truly feel for a person. Fear of being neglected and/or hurt in some way or another which causes me to run from the relationship, push the person away, or cause those exact things that I fear to occur in the relationship.
So am I truly single? Not really because at this very moment there is someone I've been wanting to spend my life with for the past 4years, but could not because of these 4issues. So instead of running to this person that I'm madly in love with, I constantly choose to run in the opposite direction… hoping to find a relationship in which I feel more secure and less threatened which is really someone I'm less in love with. You can't really say you are single when someone has your heart. You can't really love someone else or find someone else to replace that person, if they are still all you truly want.
Next Day Reflections…
After writing this post, which was a very liberating experience I learned several things that cannot go unspoken for those who are reading my blogs…
1. Everyone deals with insecurities at times, its just a matter of knowing what your insecurities are so that when you are in a relationship, it easy for you to discern when you are dealing with some insecurity of your own. However, it is also important to know when someone around you is attempting to prey upon that/those insecurity(ies). When you are not open and honest with yourself about what your insecurities are, you are not in control of your emotions nor will you be able to guard yourself from those insecurities being preyed upon. When a person feels insecure, there is always a reason so be sure to address the reason and true cause of the insecurity.
2. Trust is a very important factor in a relationship. This is why is it very important not to rush into relationships. Friendships should be developed. Also, if you have a hard time trusting people, its as simple as asking the right questions. Most of the time, if you just ask about whatever it is you want to be sure of, you will be able to discover the truth. Trust was always meant to be earned not just given away.
3. Being critical is not always a bad thing. The way to use this to your advantage is to really sit down and think about the details of what is important to you. It is important to really know what it is you want to deal with and what you don't want to deal with in a relationship before hand. Be honest with yourself, in this way, you can determine early on if the relationship has long term potential and you are not fooling yourself or anyone else.
4. Fear is an illusion, but the danger of being hurt in a relationship is very real. There is no sure way to know if you are going to be hurt in a relationship, however when you take the time to get to know a person prior to opening your heart completely to them, you have time to gather the necessary information on whether or not the person will value what you want to give them. One thing I've have learned to do is to listen to my heart. If your heart is closing up to a person, its important to ask yourself why… what is it that you need to know… what conversations do you need to have… are things going too fast. You always want to go at a pace your heart can handle.
So about this person I've been in love with for 4years…
Just because you are in love with a person does not mean its best for you to be with them. We attract people into our lives to help us to evolve. After I openly confessed my weaknesses and decided to deal with them instead of running from them… I also learned that I was attracted to that person for that reason and that reason only… to address my weaknesses… to see them for what they really are… and to deal with them accordingly. Now it is time to release that attachment, those fears, insecurities, and lies about who I am so that I can be who I want to be and attract who I want to attract.
So is Nanu single… not really… I'm never alone on the walk of life, but I have to say this… exposing your weakness will always attract predators and since posting this I have gotten way too many inbox messages from men because some people will never understand how to truly heal and evolve… some people will never understand the process… some never intend to be anything greater than that which they are… and some people are never truly honest with themselves. I have to say that I am truly proud of myself because this is really the only issue I've every struggled with in my life… and while some people will see your struggle as opportunity … you have to know that you have the power to master yourself… and that a warrior is in there waiting to transform whatever your situation is for the better.
Id rather just tell all the men to stop message me, but instead I will give you my check list so you can grade yourself first … you have to have everything on this check list before I will consider being with you…
1. Financial Freedom (meaning you don't have debt and you generate your own income either through your own business, stock, or some form of residual income)
2. Ownership (you own your own car, house, land, and/or all 3)
3. Self Defense Training (you are adept in some form of martial arts/self defense and know how to use a gun)
4. Integrity (you uphold ma'at… not just in theory… but can literally read the 42laws off without lying)
5. Knows Tantra
6. Serious about Evolution of self and humanity
7. Wants many children
8. Can meet me on the Astral plane (Consciously)
9. Vegan Diet (atleast 85% of the time)
10. Familiar with Neteru (actual interaction)
11. Affectionate
12. High sex drive
13. Highly Selective of where he sticks his penis
These are first 13 to be considered. Compatibility must be there.
This was fun.
www.beautifulnanu.com
