Confession 10
I am/was a pot head.
I say am because people who have addictions usually continue to own their addictions long after years of being sober. This is due to the fact that they need to be constantly aware of their environment ect. so that they do not put themselves in situations that will lead them back to their addictions. Its hard to understand really if you have never been addicted to something, especially if you are someone like me who likes to speak in affirmation sentences. That would be an affirmation that would be counter productive to the reality I want to create. In my opinion, that would make me MORE susceptible to falling back into that lifestyle. However, I understand to that as long as a person is admitting that they have a problem, it enables them to do what is necessary to keep themselves from making mistakes in that area. For example, if someone is handing me a drink and I've struggled with alcoholism in my past… it would be much easier to resist by saying "I'm an alcoholic, I can't have alcohol." Whereas someone who doesn't identify with having a problem would say "One drink is okay. I'll just have one" It took me a while to get this concept, but I actually grew to understand it from watching "switched at birth" which is a Series I've gotten into watching from time to time.
I'm saying all this to say that I had an addiction to marijuana. I think its important for me to talk about this because so many people believe that marijuana is not an addictive substance. Even while I was addicted I had no idea that I was until I stopped. lol When I stopped, I realized how dependent I was on the THC. IT became hard for me to cope with stress, hard to sleep, hard to focus, ect. ect. because these were things that I medicated myself for. Once I realized this, I was so determined to fight this dependency I had that thats exactly what I did. Its almost like I had to relearn how to be me. How do I deal with this stress effectively without any substance to calm my mind? How do I focus without any substance to help me center my thoughts? How do I calm myself to sleep without a calmative? For the first time in my life, I realized that there were things that I did not learn to do. I admit that maybe during the time that I frequently medicated myself with marijuana, I probably needed it more than most to deal with the people & circumstances at the time. But its amazing to be out of a toxic environment and to go through the process of detoxing my body. I was surprised to find that after over 4months of not using marijuana, I still had low trace amounts of THC in my urine. I had major anxiety to the point of reinitiating IBS. For those who are astrologist, the fact that I have 5major planets in Virgo as well as midheaven, is valuable information here. So those who are into astrology will see that I really actually needed to medicate myself lol However, in doing so, I never really learned to manage my own energy… so here I am coming to another point of seeing an aspect of my life that I have not learned to master… my overactive mind/imagination. It occurred to me, " HEY, how can I be teaching self mastery and I haven't mastered this!!!???" It was a rough moment for me to come to realize that I had been dependent on marijuana because I really didn't have a clue.
THERE IS NO REMEDY THAT YOU SHOULD BE USING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Remedies are meant to be temporary. I'm seeing more and more that even in the alternative health community that we are over drugged, even if its natural. I'm not just speaking about marijuana either, but herbs in general and other extremes that are meant as remedies like garlic, ginger, charcoal, chlorophyl. Its all good when you need to get your body back in balance or are actually going through some type of trauma or chronic pain in your life, but at some point you have to be balanced… at some point you should be healed of that particular thing and not go back to that unhealthy state. That will never happen when you are dependent on remedies. At some point you have to graduate to BEING.
BECOME A MASTER.
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