Confession #10

Confession 10
I am/was a pot head.

I say am because people who have addictions usually continue to own their addictions long after years of being sober.  This is due to the fact that they need to be constantly aware of their environment ect. so that they do not put themselves in situations that will lead them back to their addictions.  Its hard to understand really if you have never been addicted to something, especially if you are someone like me who likes to speak in affirmation sentences.  That would be an affirmation that would be counter productive to the reality I want to create.  In my opinion, that would make me MORE susceptible to falling  back into that lifestyle.  However, I understand to that as long as a person is admitting that they have a problem, it enables them to do what is necessary to keep themselves from making mistakes in that area.  For example, if someone is handing me a drink and  I've struggled with alcoholism in my past… it would be much easier to resist by saying "I'm an alcoholic, I can't have alcohol."  Whereas someone who doesn't identify with having a problem would say "One drink is okay.  I'll just have one" It took me a while to get this concept, but I actually grew to understand it from watching "switched at birth" which is a Series I've gotten into watching from time to time.

I'm saying all this to say that I had an addiction to marijuana.   I think its important for me to talk about this because so many people believe that marijuana is not an addictive substance.  Even while I was addicted I had no idea that I was until I stopped. lol  When I stopped, I realized how dependent I was on the THC.  IT became hard for me to cope with stress, hard to sleep, hard to focus, ect. ect.   because these were things that I medicated myself for.  Once I realized this, I was so determined to fight this dependency I had that thats exactly what I did.  Its almost like I had to relearn how to be me.  How do I deal with this stress effectively without any substance to calm my mind?  How do I focus without any substance to help me center my thoughts?  How do I calm myself to sleep without a calmative?  For the first time in my life, I realized that there were things that I did not learn to do.  I admit that maybe during the time that I frequently medicated myself with marijuana, I probably needed it more than most to deal with the people & circumstances at the time.  But its amazing to be out of a toxic environment and to go through the process of detoxing my body.  I was surprised to find that after over 4months of not using marijuana, I still had low trace amounts of THC in my urine.  I had major anxiety to the point of reinitiating IBS.  For those who are astrologist, the fact that I have 5major planets in Virgo as well as midheaven, is valuable information here.  So those who are into astrology will see that I really actually needed to medicate myself lol  However, in doing so, I never really learned to manage my own energy… so here I am coming to another point of seeing an aspect of my life that I have not learned to master… my overactive mind/imagination.  It occurred to me, " HEY, how can I be teaching self mastery and I haven't mastered this!!!???"  It was a rough moment for me to come to realize that I had been dependent on marijuana because I really didn't have a clue.

THERE IS NO REMEDY THAT YOU SHOULD BE USING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.  Remedies are meant to be temporary.  I'm seeing more and more that even in the alternative health community that we are over drugged, even if its natural.  I'm not just speaking about marijuana either, but herbs in general and other extremes that are meant as remedies like garlic, ginger, charcoal, chlorophyl.  Its all good when you need to get your body back in balance or are actually going through some type of trauma or chronic pain in your life, but at some point you have to be balanced… at some point you should be healed of that particular thing and not go back to that unhealthy state.  That will never happen when you are dependent on remedies.  At some point you have to graduate to BEING.

BECOME A MASTER.
www.beautifulnanu.com

Confession #9

PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH(.)


I really don't want to preach to myself so…
I'll just be quiet.

But sometimes …

SHHHHH EGO!

Nobody has to know what is going on.  Secrets Secrets Secrets in House 8

What is the fear about?

My own curiosity intrigues me….. mmmm I'm enjoying myself

These mental orgasms…. mmmmm

mmmm hmmmm

Did you see that di-vineb-ety-ing.  (I lost you, its okay)

I'm GOD-- Everything I do is on purpose.
Never fear GOD… The ether. The chi. That Illumination.

4thePeople,
Godis Nanu

Confession #8

Confession:  I scare myself sometimes

I am humbled before myself.

For some time I have been operating in such fear and oppression of my own power, which so many on this planet do.  Even to this day my own personal power frightens me because I have experienced the reality that I can literally have and do what I want.   I know that I am God.  Some people believe this in theory or just incorporate into their narcissistic and psychopathic relation to others, but I know for a fact that I am diety.  It frightens me.  

I think it more so frightens me because I am aware of the responsibility that comes with all of this power and the danger I can pose for myself and others if I am not careful and respectful of that which is sacred.  I am a multidimensional being whom have chosen this lower experience for one reason or the other and a product of that decision is the ego.

The ego is like a child in the womb of my greater self.  However, at any moment, if necessary, my greater self--that which is God, can take over, although this being prefers to rest and explore… so when it is awakened… this God in me… this aspect of myself… it does not come to play.  So if my ego rebels, it will be disciplined and corrected.  If others take it as a joke, there will be consequences.

For I  am that diety, that angel, bird, god, that stands at the gate… guarding the way… assisting the poor in spirit that they might make their transition and transformation safely.

Confession #7

I'm single because
1. I have insecurities that often cause me to attract insecure men and I don't like insecure men.
2.  I'm always suspicious of those I'm in relationships with.  I always think people have a hidden agenda or seek to use me in some way which keeps me from being open and honest in my relationships.  Unfortunately this causes me to attract people who are not or too cannot trust and choose not to be open and honest.
3.  I'm overly critical of myself and others which causes acceptance issues and also causes me to back out of or cut off relationships because either the individual, myself, or the entire relationship does not meet my standards.
4.  Because of my upbringing and past hurts, I usually allow fear to keep me from fully expressing what I truly feel for a person.  Fear of being neglected and/or hurt in some way or another which causes me to run from the relationship, push the person away, or cause those exact things that I fear to occur in the relationship.

So am I truly single?  Not really because at this very moment there is someone I've been wanting to spend my life with for the past 4years, but could not because of these 4issues.  So instead of running to this person that I'm madly in love with, I constantly choose to run in the opposite direction… hoping to find a relationship in which I feel more secure and less threatened which is really someone I'm less in love with.  You can't really say you are single when someone has your heart.  You can't really love someone else or find someone else to replace that person, if they are still all you truly want.



Next Day Reflections…

After writing this post, which was a very liberating experience I learned several things that cannot go unspoken for those who are reading my blogs…

1.  Everyone deals with insecurities at times, its just a matter of knowing what your insecurities are so that when you are in a relationship, it easy for you to discern when you are dealing with some insecurity of your own.  However, it is also important to know when someone around you is attempting to prey upon that/those insecurity(ies).   When you are not open and honest with yourself about what your insecurities are, you are not in control of your emotions nor will you be able to guard yourself from those insecurities being preyed upon.  When a person feels insecure, there is always a reason so be sure to address the reason and true cause of the insecurity.

2. Trust is a very important factor in a relationship.  This is why is it very important not to rush into relationships.  Friendships should be developed.  Also, if you have a hard time trusting people, its as simple as asking the right questions. Most of the time, if you just ask about whatever it is you want to be sure of, you will be able to discover the truth.  Trust was always meant to be earned not just given away.

3.  Being critical is not always a bad thing.  The way to use this to your advantage is to really sit down and think about the details of what is important to you.  It is important to really know what it is you want to deal with and what you don't want to deal with in a relationship before hand.  Be honest with yourself, in this way, you can determine early on if the relationship has long term potential and you are not fooling yourself or anyone else.

4.  Fear is an illusion, but the danger of being hurt in a relationship is very real.  There is no sure way to know if you are going to be hurt in a relationship, however when you take the time to get to know a person prior to opening your heart completely to them, you have time to gather the necessary information on whether or not the person will value what you want to give them.  One thing I've have learned to do is to listen to my heart.  If your heart is closing up to a person, its important to ask yourself why… what is it that you need to know… what conversations do you need to have… are things going too fast.  You always want to go at a pace your heart can handle.


So about this person I've been in love with for 4years…
   Just because you are in love with a person does not mean its best for you to be with them.  We attract people into our lives to help us to evolve.  After I openly confessed my weaknesses and decided to deal with them instead of running from them… I also learned that I was attracted to that person for that reason and that reason only… to address my weaknesses… to see them for what they really are… and to deal with them accordingly.  Now it is time to release that attachment, those fears, insecurities, and lies about who I am so that I can be who I want to be and attract who I want to attract.

So is Nanu single… not really… I'm never alone on the walk of life, but I have to say this… exposing your weakness will always attract predators and since posting this I have gotten way too many inbox messages from men because some people will never understand how to truly heal and evolve… some people will never understand the process… some never intend to be anything greater than that which they are… and some people are never truly honest with themselves.  I have to say that I am truly proud of myself because this is really the only issue I've every struggled with in my life… and while some people will see your struggle as opportunity … you have to know that you have the power to master yourself… and that a warrior is in there waiting to transform whatever your situation is for the better.

Id rather just tell all the men to stop message me, but instead I will give you my check list so you can grade yourself first … you have to have everything on this check list before I will consider being with you…

1.  Financial Freedom (meaning you don't have debt and you generate your own income either through your own business, stock, or some form of residual income)

2.  Ownership (you own your own car, house, land, and/or all 3)

3.  Self Defense Training  (you are adept in some form of martial arts/self defense and know how to use a gun)

4.  Integrity (you uphold ma'at… not just in theory… but can literally read the 42laws off without lying)

5.  Knows Tantra

6.  Serious about Evolution of self and humanity

7.  Wants many children

8.  Can meet me on the Astral plane (Consciously)

9.  Vegan Diet  (atleast 85% of the time)

10.  Familiar with Neteru (actual interaction)

11.  Affectionate

12.  High sex drive

13.  Highly Selective of where he sticks his penis


These are first 13 to be considered.  Compatibility must be there.
This was fun.
www.beautifulnanu.com

Confession #6

I HATE NIGGAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It feel so therapeutic to say that.  I'm beginning to think that if ever I started with Catholicism instead of modern day christianity, I may have been stuck in religion forever because these confessions are really therapeutic lol

I think I will say this out loud a few times... 5x did the trick.  lmbo No I'm serious!!!!!!

Ignorant people and nigga(er) ways truly annoy me.  And for the record, niggerdom has proven time and time again to be color blind... so don't get all in your feelings.. you may or may not be excluded... lol lmbo

Hope ur having a grand ole day!!!
STAY NIGGA FREE!!! ctfu

Confession #5

I can be very temperamental.  I don't trust anyone completely.  I become attached to things fairly easily.  I'm a woman with an extremely high sex drive.

These are my weaknesses.  We all have them.  What are yours?

Affirmation:
I accept my weaknesses.  I accept myself.  Others have the right to choose whether or not they want to accept who I am.  This does not affect my value as a being.  I am worthy of breath.  I am worthy of life.  I am Life. I love myself.


As a soul you can evolve.  We grow as individuals on a daily basis, but you will always have weaknesses as a human being.  It is only when you accept those weaknesses and are transparent about them, that you will be able to heal and grow.  As people we always want to hide our issues, but hidden issues are never healed.  Having weaknesses and being honest about them only makes you a more valuable person, not the other way around.  Don't believe the hype.

I'm a Real Healer.  If you need Real Healing, contact me today.
~Godis Nanu
beautifulnanu.com

WATCH THIS:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK9Iio7WgaI

Confession #4

I really want to punch ________ in the face.  I will not mention her name because her name is not important.  Its crazy... I'm not necessarily angry nor do I think about her in my free time, but every time she sends me a crazy inbox message or I hear from someone else something she is saying, I really want to punch her in the face... literally.  Not like a soft hit... but I want to sit blood fly and she falls to the ground.

Maybe this sounds violent to you, but I've done so much for this girl to try to help her in life and she's a backstabbing bitch.

What I've learned is that I'm a very nice, caring, and giving person... I mean duh... I'm a healer, but I can also be wrath.  God is love and God is wrath and I most certainly will evoke Oya within.  I think it comes down to people not understanding who I am.  I'm judgement.

I remember in high school this girl came to me and told me I was an angel.  I was a fanatical Christian at the time so I thought she was crazy.  I always look back on that moment now though and wonder if it was just something she said because she though I was a good person or if she actually KNEW what I KNOW NOW!!!!????   I wish I could go back and have that conversation with her.  I don't even remember her name, I just saw her in the hall from time to time.  I was just trying to shine my light in the world.  I've really always wanted to change the world.

The last person who recognized me as an angel told me that I came here to bring judgement.  To amplify people's karma.  That when people encounter me it is because they are at a crossroads where they need to make a moral decision about if they are going to operate in the light or choose the dark.  Are you going to be a God or a Devil?  -  The question I force people to answer.  Even then, I was like ok it makes sense... I know I'm multi-dimensional... and I know I'm special... and I know people either get lots of love from me or they provoke a lot of wrath (not necessarily directly from me)

But it wasn't until I saw my wings that I knew.
(its okay if you think I'm crazy... at one point in my life I would've too)

What I'm trying to say is this... this girl fucks up everything good in her life... and I think I have this undying urge to punch her in the face because I'd rather to physically touch her than release what she has earned in her dealings with me and others around me that I've seen her do.  Literally, it would make me soooo happy that when I see her in person I just let it fly... no words .... just a huge fist straight to the temple... not hard enough to kill her, but just enough to put her down for a bit so she can think about life and wake the fuck up... that's all.

:)